Rules of the Game Read online

  THREE BOOKS IN ONE

  TITLE PAGE

  READ ME

  THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE

  THE ROUTINES COLLECTION

  THE STYLE DIARIES

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  OTHER WORKS

  CREDITS

  COPYRIGHT

  ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

  READ ME

  Are you that weak?

  You’re just going to allow yourself to get ordered around like that? You see the words “read me” at the top of a page, and you just follow the instructions like a robot?

  I know what you’re thinking: This is a book. You’re supposed to read it.

  But the book hasn’t even started. Did you read the copyright information? Probably not. (If you did, welcome to the club. They make medicine for people like us.)

  As long as you’re here, though, I’d like to teach you your first lesson, which is to think for yourself. Not to just slavishly turn the pages of a book like a follower.

  Because this isn’t an ordinary book, meant to be read from front to back.

  You have options.

  If you’re here to read, turn to The Style Diaries, which begin about two thirds of the way into the book, for stories compiled from my journals.

  If you’re here to learn, start with the first part of the book, The Stylelife Challenge, for a workout program for your social and dating skills. Then, whenever you’re in the mood, dip into The Style Diaries for stories about the benefits and consequences of the knowledge you’re accumulating.

  If you need additional training wheels to help find just the right words to say, I’ve added The Routines Collection specifically for this new edition of the book. It’s a compendium of word-for-word scripts of some of the most requested material I used while learning to put a permanent end to years of lonely nights.

  And if you’re just browsing through this book in a store for a quick tip on meeting someone new, tear out this page and fold it into a paper plane. Then throw it into the next aisle. You may do the same with all the following pages, until you meet someone special, most likely a security guard or police officer.

  Finally, I’d like to take back what I said at the beginning of this section. You’re not weak. I just wanted to get your attention. And bullying always seems to work best.

  So perhaps it’s time for your second lesson: The secret to life is not to take it personally. The things people do and say are not always about you. Usually they’re about their own fears.

  Thanks for reading…

  THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE

  THE TEMPTATION TO READ THIS BOOK COVER TO COVER

  IN A FEW SITTINGS MAY BE STRONG.

  THAT’S NORMALLY HOW BOOKS WORK.

  NOT THIS ONE.

  FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ONE DAY AT A TIME.

  STUDY THE ATTACHED BRIEFINGS.

  PERFORM THE FIELD MISSIONS.

  AND DO NOT SKIP AHEAD.

  MISSING A SINGLE LESSON OR EXPERIENCE WILL AFFECT

  YOUR RESULTS, YOUR GAME, YOUR LIFE.

  YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

  FEEDBACK FROM PAST PARTICIPANTS IN THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE

  “All I have to say about the Challenge is, ‘Wow.’ Before this month, I had never approached a woman or been on a date. I just had three dates in three days, and I have more numbers to follow up on.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: DIABOLICAL

  “This Challenge has been the most inspirational month in my entire life. I feel like I’ve achieved so much! Taking into account that all of this happened in just thirty days makes it unbelievable!!! Seriously, this was the only area in my life that kept me from being absolutely at peace or absolutely happy: women!”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: TONY23

  “Since the Challenge, I’ve heard I am a winner, amazing, perfect, one of a kind, her soul mate, and unbelievable! Thanks, Neil, for the Challenge!”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: GODROCK73

  “This is one of the best things I have ever participated in… It has been lifechanging.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: MAIDENMAN

  “I’ve gotten more great responses from girls this week than I’ve ever had in my whole life. People I know are already telling me I’m different and charismatic now.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: SAMX

  “I already have a girlfriend, and I have no problems with girls. So why did I do the Challenge? Self-improvement. I must say, it has been an incredible boost, both to my self-confidence and to how others see me. I work as a waiter, and now customers are asking for me, girls are constantly approaching me, my tips are much bigger, and people want me to join their parties all the time. Everyone wants to be with me and in my inner circle, and everyone notices how good I feel about myself—and it wasn’t like this before.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: RACEHORSE

  “She was French-kissing me and asking if she could see me when she gets back on Tuesday. I can’t wait. She’s not only beautiful but smart and kind. Were it not for Neil and the Stylelife Challenge, this never would have happened.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: APOLLO

  “Neil Strauss has given me a gift of life. I can’t describe anything better. Just thanks.”

  —CHALLENGERNAME: LIZARD

  “Waking up each morning is a treat since I started the Challenge. I have a certain excitement about me, like a child on Christmas morning getting ready to open presents, as I march upstairs to my office to see what’s next for today. It’s really an experience I’ll never forget.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: REIGN STORM

  “This has been one of the most incredible experiences I have had in my entire life. Thank you so much for literally changing my whole life.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: BOY

  “This is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life! I am so far out of my comfort zone, words can’t describe it! And I’m having more and more fun!”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: GRINDER73

  “I have done a lot of what I would consider to be intense things in my life, but in a way, this beats just about anything I’ve done, because it is literally changing my own perception of reality and what is in the realm of possibility for me. I would like to live the Stylelife Challenge every month.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: LPIE

  “Thank you, Neil… You’ll be remembered for this forever. This is not just another book or a seminar. This is a really big deal!! One day I’ll shake your hand and find a way to really thank you for changing my life!”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: GRAND

  “Neil, thanks a lot for this life-changing experience… Your efforts have had a great impact on my life. Not only will I use the information that I learned in my love life but also in all other aspects of my life.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: BYRON

  “To be honest, I never thought Neil was going to pull this off. I mean, successfully breaking down the seduction game in thirty steps isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. But Neil did an awesome job. Great material. Great people. Great results.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: VELOS

  “I have read plenty of dating books and seduction manuals. I think the material presented in the Stylelife Challenge is simply the best of the lot. Kudos to Neil for offering the best.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: ALBINO

  “I have to say, if you are serious about getting the dating aspect of your life handled, and you consciously don’t do, or even read, Neil’s Stylelife Challenge, then you need to really look at yourself and ask yourself what it is you truly want. Neil is giving us what no one in history has given.”

  —CHALLENGER NAME: BIG SEND

  THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE CONTENTS

  INTRODUCTION: WHY ARE WE HERE?

  HOW TO PLAY THE GAME

>   THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE—DAILY MISSIONS

  DAY 1

  DAY 2

  DAY 3

  DAY 4

  DAY 5

  DAY 6

  DAY 7

  DAY 8

  DAY 9

  DAY 10

  DAY 11

  DAY 12

  DAY 13

  DAY 14

  MIDPOINT COACHING SESSION

  DAY 15

  DAY 16

  DAY 17

  DAY 18

  DAY 19

  DAY 20

  DAY 21

  DAY 22

  DAY 23

  DAY 24

  DAY 25

  DAY 26

  DAY 27

  DAY 28

  DAY 29

  DAY 30

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  Why Are We Here?

  I didn’t want to write this book.

  In fact, it’s something I thought I’d never do.

  I am as embarrassed to write this as you may be to pick it up. And that’s fine. It means we’re in this together.

  Let me tell you why I’m embarrassed. Then I’ll tell you why you’re embarrassed. And then we’ll agree to move on and recognize that we’re here on the same page for a reason.

  I spent my teens and most of my twenties lonely, desperate, and woefully inexperienced, sitting mutely on the sidelines while women obsessed over guys whose appeal boggled me.

  At the lowest point in my dating career, after a two-year dry spell, I actually started surfing mail-order bride catalogs on the internet—Russian, Latin, Asian—bookmarking the pages of girls I thought I could learn to live with. I believed there was nowhere else to turn.

  But then I had a reality-shattering experience—one of those moments that altered the course of my life. I discovered a secret society on the internet where men reputed to be the best pickup artists alive met to share tips, tales, and tactics learned in clubs, streets, and bedrooms around the world.

  Emboldened by desperation, I disguised my identity, knocked on the door of that world, and it slowly opened. Inside, I dropped prostrate before the masters. I thought they would have the keys to release me from the prison of my own frustrations, fears, and insecurities.

  They didn’t have those keys. But I wouldn’t trade the journey I took for anything. Because it taught me something I never would have realized on my own: that I actually had the keys the whole time. I just didn’t know where to find them or how to use them.

  When I wrote my account of those years, The Game, I thought it was my last word on the subject. I wanted to walk away gracefully. Even though I inadvertently became the top-ranked expert in the pickup community, I prefer to be a student of life, not a professor. I write not to teach but because I enjoy storytelling.

  However, this book is not a story, at least not in the proper sense of the word. It is a how-to book. The story is not mine to write, but yours to live. The pages are turned not by plot, but by your own motivation.

  The fitness and health industries offer thousands of programs designed to help you reach your physical goals. And there is an enormous and well-established self-help industry for women. The pages of Cosmopolitan, the characters on Sex and the City, and countless books, talk shows, and businesses exist almost solely to help cope with the challenges that come with being a woman in this world.

  The landscape for men, however, is very different. Male sexuality is catered to everywhere in society—from the pages of Maxim to billboards selling the good life to the $97 billion porn industry. Everywhere they turn, men are shown images of women they are supposed to desire. Yet there is little advice of substance available to help them learn to attract these women, to figure out who they are, to help them improve their lifestyle and social skills. And considering that our social skills determine the course of our lives—our careers, our friends, our family, our children, our happiness—that’s a big area to neglect.

  So, even though I had no such intentions when I wrote The Game, I started doing a few things in my spare time to help the many guys who reached out to me after its publication, with emails, calls, and letters full of heart-wrenching stories. I coached frustrated teenagers, thirty-year-old virgins, recently divorced businessmen, even rock stars and billionaires. However, the more people I helped, the faster my inbox filled with requests from every corner of the world. Hundreds turned to thousands turned to tens of thousands turned to hundreds of thousands. And most of these guys were not assholes and creeps, but nice guys—the ones women always say they’re looking for yet at the same time never seem attracted to.

  So I decided to bite the bullet. You’re now holding that bullet in your hands.

  The Stylelife Challenge is a simple, easy-to-follow guide to approaching and attracting women of quality. Though it is designed for the hardest cases, it has also been proven to work for men who are already successful with women.

  There is no method, system, or philosophy behind the Challenge. It is simply what works best and fastest. I have now spent five years gathering this knowledge, living it, and sharing it. I’ve tested the specific material in this book on over thirteen thousand men of varying ages, nationalities, and backgrounds.

  The result: a monthlong workout program for your social, attraction, dating, and seduction skills.

  I call it the Stylelife Challenge because it is my challenge to you: Learn the game in thirty days.

  And I’m hesitant to do this, because just that last sentence alone sounds like I’m turning into one of those guys you see grinning from the covers of self-improvement books.

  But if it helps you, then it’s worth it. And in thirty days, we can both get on with the rest of our lives.

  Now let’s move on to your story.

  HOW TO PLAY THE GAME

  Throw out everything you know about dating.

  If you’re reading this book, it’s because something in your life hasn’t been working. And if something isn’t working, there’s only one way to fix it for good: Take it completely apart and rebuild it piece by piece. Only then can you make sure that every single component is functioning at its highest level, free of error, with the most up-to-date technology.

  So if you’re too intimidated to approach women you’re attracted to, if you’re a virgin, if you’ve never had a real girlfriend, if you’re terminally shy, if you’re recovering from a rough breakup or divorce, if you’re suffering from a long dry spell, if you’re tired of watching other guys have all the fun, if you want to attract higher-quality women, or if you’re good with women but still not good enough, welcome to the Stylelife Challenge.

  My challenge to you is simple: Get a date in thirty days.

  Along the way, whatever your experience level may be, you’ll receive the skills, tools, confidence, and knowledge to meet and attract almost any woman, any time you want.

  I want you to master this part of your life. And to make sure you do, I’m going to hold your hand and walk you through every step along the way.

  Why am I doing this? Because after reverse engineering my transformation from lonely to oversexed to just-right, as described in The Game, I developed a shortcut that compresses years of learning into a month. It has worked not just for me but for thousands of men—transforming their success with women as well as their success in a much bigger game: life.

  Overview

  The objective: Get a date in thirty days or less.

  Who can play: Anyone seeking more success with women.

  The cost: The price of this book—and the willingness to try on some new behaviors and see if they fit.

  The prize: The company of quality women, the envy of your peers, the lifestyle you deserve.

  How to play: This book contains thirty days of exercises. Set aside at least an hour a day—the days don’t actually need to be consecutive—to perform the suggested missions and read the supplementary material.

  Guidelines

  Your instructions are simple: Eve
ry morning, as soon as you wake up, read your missions for the day. They may be primers to study, questions to answer, self-improvement exercises to perform, or field exercises to get you out of the house and approaching women. They begin at a very basic level and grow more advanced as the Stylelife Challenge continues. Think of it as a fitness program for your social life.

  If you want to get the most from the Challenge—so that your friends and family will instantly notice the new you—it’s important that you complete all of the missions in the order they are presented. Do not read ahead. Some exercises may seem basic; others may seem out of character for you. But each new exercise builds upon the last, so stick with it.

  Several missions will require you to read certain guides and articles. These can be found in the supplementary briefing immediately following the breakdown of the day’s tasks. Make sure that you read each briefing before proceeding to any corresponding field assignments.

  The only other material you need will be a pen and paper—although access to a mirror, a computer with an internet connection, and some way to record your voice will be useful for a few assignments. You may also want to keep a journal.

  You will not need any money to compete, but you will need a little time each day to do a few small things that can change your life in the long run. None of these assignments requires much more than an hour, so even if you’re working three jobs, you should still be able to do them all. In a pinch, you can always save time by cutting back on all that energy wasted desiring women from afar (in men’s magazines, on TV shows, in the street, on the internet) and instead learning what it takes to have them in your life.

  Though the Challenge is designed to be completed alone, if you’re the type of person who’s motivated by communicating with others on the same path, optional discussion boards are available at www.stylelife.com/challenge. You can post all questions, adventures, sticking points, and successes there. My trained coaches, your fellow Challengers, and I will be there to help you. In addition, you’ll find video and audio examples demonstrating some of these exercises and approaches. Note that all the additional tools provided to supplement this book are free.